Let's be a vessel without leaks
How Does a Relationship Work? Spiritual Understanding of Relationships, Their Beginning, and End.
Many times, I found myself so challenged in a relationship or during a breakup that I lost my balance—or realized that I had never truly been balanced. When a relationship became unstable, it was difficult for me to deal with the situation, find clarity in decision-making, and connect with my truth in order to act accordingly.
This text examines relationships from a spiritual perspective, processing the insights and experiences I have gained when viewing my relationships in this way. This foundational understanding helps me and every soul in transformation navigate challenges in relationships and human chaos related to guilt, victimhood, and blame. It serves to restore inner balance and self-confidence, as always with a practical part.
What is a Relationship?
Spiritually speaking, a relationship is a room for experience. Within this room / with this person, we can have unique experiences which are important for our development.
When we examine romantic relationships more closely, every relationship contains the following three fundamental elements. Please consider these aspects as a trinity—meaning they exist simultaneously, depend on one another, and are only complete together:
Definition of the Fundamental Elements:
I – The Element of Reflection and Self-Discovery – Growth Through Self-Observation
We cannot observe ourselves directly. In order to reflect on our actions and reactions, understand who we are, and how we develop, we need a counterpart—a mirror that provides contrast.
YOU – The Element of Connection and Community – Growth Through Bonding
Every relationship creates a sense of connection, which is essential for us as mammals and social beings. Connection and community provide security and an anchor for our existence and development.
WE – The Element of Creation – Growth Through Something New
Every relationship exists to create something new—to transform two into three. Biologically, a child is the natural outcome of this synthesis. However, it can also be an idea, a project, or a shared dream that manifests in another form.
Observe what each of these elements triggers in you. What perceptions or questions arise? Each of these elements has a shadow side that represents a primal fear in our relationships. These fears reveal profound truths about ourselves and our relationships:
I fear my own truth—that I am nothing and everything.
YOU fear loneliness and isolation.
WE fear death/meaninglessness, the finite nature of things.
How Do I Prepare for a Relationship?
Awareness is the first step.
Ultimately, we do not need another person to be complete. However, our thinking is often conditioned otherwise. On a societal level, we believe through identity, as the ego wants to present itself, and on a biological level — as our cells seek reproduction— that we need a partner. If we strongly identify with these levels, they become our truth. Yet, deep inside, we long for freedom from this conditioning. Sometimes, suffering or inner curiosity drives us to seek a greater truth and a way out of this cycle. I am not saying needing another person is wrong or bad, I am saying this is a consequence of our thinking = identification and as we free from that we find fulfillment in relationships on a new level.
We originally have completeness and unconditional love within ourselves - we are born in it - and in our relationships. We are born in inconditional love and we experience this at the beginning of a relationship—being so in love, imagining everything is possible. Then, fears and societal identification creep in. At this point, we either learn to confront and dissolve them or fall out of love. Facing this and being in balance, requires love on the three elements: love for Self (I), love for Partner (YOU), and love for Creation (WE). In crucial moments, these connections remind us that love is stronger than fear and that we can trust in it - therefor we transcend all challanges.
The key is recognizing that love is always within and that the relationship with yourself is very crucial and the only actual constant you have and can influence. In case we don’t love ourself we subconsciously create a YOU or WE that “reminds” us to do so. E.G. When we believe we can only be happy with another person, we create fear—the fear of losing them. This conscious or unconscious fear drains our energy and pulls us away from love. This is the opponent we create ourselves. The solution is not to create it in the first place or dissolve it with (self)love.
The YOU or WE serves as a mirror of our love for ourselves until we recognize ourselves in them. Until then, we mainly rely on external relationships to experience this love. Sometimes, it takes many painful or manipulative relationships to realize this. But once understood, the illusion is lifted, and the cycle of fear (Samsara) ends. The goal for your soul is to become a vessel without leaks, to not create fear or lack, and to overflow with love—to recognize yourself so that you can love freely, connect, and detach again, allowing for countless experiences.
How Do I Know I Am on the Right Path?
A sign of growing awareness in relationships is that we need less from others. We stop projecting personal issues onto them and no longer take their shadows, attacks, or hurts personally. Simultaneously, we recognize these aspects within ourselves, understanding their origins in our actions or non-actions (e.g., emotional unavailability). This realization changes our response, making it more understanding and resolute, which gradually heals these aspects.
If a relationship is based on many fearful elements or shadows and we resolve them within ourselves, we may find that we no longer want or can maintain the relationship. One reason could be that the partner holds onto fear, or that the shared WE becomes unimportant to us. This decision then becomes less personal towards the YOU but rather about the shared energy of the WE. It is not a rejection of someone, but a choice for yourself. This choice seals the leaks in your vessel and creates space for a relationship that allows for true experience.
Relationships Have a Beginning and an End
We have countless relationships, each with an entry and an exit point.
We can recognize the acute potential of a relationship by understanding the reason for coming together—by asking deeper questions:
Why did I meet this person, and what did I hope to gain from them?
Who am I, or who can I be, with this person? What do they reflect back to me?
What brought us together?
How does the connection feel?
What is our shared WE? What do we create together?
What does this person teach me about myself and how I interact with myself?
Recognizing patterns is a sign of growth. More on how to harmonize negative behaviors, navigate relationships, or end them in part two. The foundation for a loving relationship begins here and now. As always, here is a practical section.
ACTIVATION
Would you like to initiate a loving relationship with yourself? Feel into it, then speak or think the following:
"I connect with my inner self and the love within me." Breathe and feel it.
"I allow myself to love myself and be loved." Breathe and feel it.
"I love myself, thank you." Breathe and feel it.
EXERCISE: FOCUS ON SELF
Breathe calmly in and out. Close your eyes, feel yourself, and say, "Thank you for the relationship with myself."
Tune into the space of your relationship and ask: "What does this space need to be balanced and harmonious?"
Allow the answer to come to you, then give yourself and the space this quality (e.g., visualize a light with this quality flowing through you and the space). Express gratitude.
Ask: "What do I need to optimally develop in this relationship space?"
Let the answer come to you, then give yourself this quality. Express gratitude.
When you feel complete, end the exercise in gratitude and open your eyes.
Integration:
"I allow the gained wisdom to integrate optimally into my life and my relationship. I integrate the gained wisdom optimally into my life and relationships. Thank you."
Note on Integration:
Integration happens naturally when you follow your impulses. Ask yourself what you need openly, act accordingly, and the best outcome will unfold for all involved.
Do not be afraid of strong emotions; simply observe them and ask what is needed for them to transform. Give yourself what is required and allow it to flow. * If this feels difficult, ask the source: "Source, let XYZ flow into the space/me," and observe how the space and situation transform.
To go deeper, you can also connect with your inner aspects. I am happy to support you in this process. Connecting with our archetypes—the inner woman and inner man—allows us to recognize and dissolve destructive behavioral patterns in a playful and effective way.
Note on the Exercise:
It is crucial to let the space respond—to receive the answers at the moment of asking rather than answering them yourself. This is an intuitive sensing, not a conscious thought but a reception of a thought, feeling, image, or perception. You will know when you have sensed it. If you are unsure, we can explore this together personally.